Timeless

Photo by Sean Pollock on Unsplash

Every time I come home, it always reminds me that time keeps moving even if we’re not here to see it. There’s a new building up in a shopping center or a new family moved in across the street. A few less friends to visit and a bright new pergola (fancy overhang) in my front yard, or of course–courtesy of my dad–a new clock to be found somewhere in the house.

Each time I visit, there’s something new to whisper, “time has passed, don’t you see?” Even if it’s just in the way my dog sleeps a little more or the cool air I got used to here over break hit 102 this week instead.

And in seeing all, the small pieces that make up what I see of the world, I wonder what the world looks back and sees of me.

After all, the only thing that matters is our perspectives, our vantage points. You only see the changes if you’re looking. Chances are, you weren’t looking at me.

Nothing about me, nothing specifically, could tell you what’s happened in the last three months of my life. Just so you know, I did pass all my classes; surprisingly so considering the amount of things I was juggling. Truly, I don’t know how I passed a single one of them.

But I did. Just like I spent another quarter in my job and am technically a quarter of english classes away from graduation. I am.

I am so much of what you don’t see.

Photo by Jan Tinneberg on Unsplash

The new houses and buildings and people here up in town? Those are the skills, the memories, the hurt, the passion, and the knowledge that have built small homes in who I am. It’s a new complex of professional development built into what is becoming my repertoire, a new attitude around skipping classes or getting sleep because our priorities change over time just like we do.

But none of you can really see that. Nor the friendships built and lost. Trust strengthened or loosened. Threads between my expectations and my reality; they’re thinning as one grows farther away from the other.

Every time I come home, it’s a different girl walking through the front door.

And it’s a shame that maybe some people won’t get to see that.

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions–as much as I’d love to catch up with all of the people I miss and want to see, some don’t have the time, the capacity, the opportunity, or even the want. Some of you just can’t.

Sure, I can try to cover it all in a blog post, in this site that has somehow catalogued the last three years of my life. But it can’t catch everything, define the change and the process and the truth about my life for you; nothing can but me.

After all, we’re all liars aren’t we?

Think about it, everything we say or do, it is because we see or know things to be a certain way. But only from our perspective. No two people will ever see the same thing happen even if they are all watching the same event occur.

Photo by Hermes Rivera on Unsplash

The proof cannot come from a testament of what happened or even how we individually change because of it. You would have to look at all of us to really understand what happened, to pieces together each individual change as a collective of the aftermath and the why of what occurred in the first place.

Unfortunately, I cannot fill in what you all see or think unless you tell me. As for you, all you get is me. Take it or leave it.

Hopefully though, you’ll keep betting on me and take it. because as always, things are changing. I can’t guarentee what these posts are going to look like this summer, but I have a feeling they’re going to be a little different.

I can’t tell you what girl is leaving home again this weekend or which one will be back later, but I can tell you that you’ll find out.

Stick around and find out, find out with me, since you know that I have no idea either. And this week has given me time to think about what I can do or where this girl can go over summer to really make the most of what I’ve been given.

I only get this one final summer as an undergrad.

And well, they say we only live once.

Maybe that’s true; but maybe in the mix of perspectives and truths we all hold about a single event we call life, maybe the moments can be infinite.

Let’s find out together.

After a Quarter of Winging It…

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Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

After four term papers, three exams, two observational finals, and one project/presentation… My fall quarter is over. And let me just say, my junior year has already been quite the wild ride.

If you remember, I started the quarter off early here for Week of Welcome orientation program and I got to be a Cross Cultural Experience WOW leader for the first time. I got the privilege of having 16 Wowies (first years) to fill the week up with and I love every single one of them, truly they are incredible.

From there, the people just kept adding up in my life as I joined focus groups and picked up in PCE (Pilipino Cultural Exchange) so now I have two adings under me in my family. Those two also make up one highlight of my quarter. I also convinced Nick to join PCE and trust me when I say I’m pretty excited about it.

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Photo by Jed Villejo on Unsplash

If you’ve been following me since last year, then you’ll remember that I also took part in PCW or Polycultural Weekend back in April right before the blackface incidents and I had two hostees— one of them did commit to Cal Poly and I love running into her on campus as one of the many people I care about here in SLO.

And on top of those, I submitted a piece to OWN (original women’s narratives) again that will be performed in the show but not by me, because I am also going to be a part of WOW again, but this time as a CCE Special Teams FAC leader. So that’s exciting… I have no idea what to expect or even if I can handle it, but that seems to be the theme of junior year so far.

Now, beyond the people I’ve added to my life, this has also been my first year starting off as an English major so I was in all english classes this quarter. I have never done so much reading that I didn’t actually want to do in my whole life. Remind me to never take all english classes again; even while some of it was really interesting and good for me, I’m so burnt out.

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Photo by Val Vesa on Unsplash

Maybe that has to do with all the things I’ve been up to because I finally officially finished that novel and started on a new one, I’ve written more articles for Her Campus (check out the latest one here), my essay writing has improved at least a little, I decided on a technical and professional communications minor/certificate and a concentration in creative writing, I still work at the University Store and now I’m a tutor at the Writing center as well, I learned how to take the high road (reluctantly), and I’ve learned just a little more about myself along the way.

You could say that I’ve had a busy quarter. And well… Next quarter is going to be busier.

It’s college after all, probably not the best 4-6 years of our lives, but definitely one of the few times you can come home from a party to turn in a term paper at 1:30 in the morning or drive two minutes down the street to meet up with all your friends just to cook together.

So for now, I’m going to enjoy the fact that it’s my winter break and I can finally catch up on reading and writing what I want. And I’m not going to check my grades obsessively because there’s nothing I can do about it now. I’m just happy to have another crazy quarter under my belt and to see some time to sleep waiting for me these next three weeks.

Here’s to a beautiful Friday and I hope you’re all doing well. If anyone is still chugging through finals, check out that Her Campus like above, it’ll help you through it.

Good luck and I’ll see you next week. Have a great weekend.