For the past few weeks now, my friends and I have all been watching the Bachelorette together. Every Monday night, we meet up at someone’s house and just watch it, all the while eating a lot of food and talking a lot of crap. Over the course of about two months, we have watched this girl go from dating 28 guys to 2, in the only somewhat acceptable situation to date several people at one time, all in pursuit of one thing: love.
And that got me thinking.
There always seems to be this age, this threshold of numbers in a person’s life, at which we are all expected to find someone to spend the rest of our lives with. Whether it is to start a family or simply to have someone for support and partnership day in and day out, love seems to be the ultimate prize in this game of life. One thing The Bachelorette, Jojo, seems to be consistent about is this need to be loved. No matter how many times someone shows it or says something close to it, she needs to hear the words “falling in love with you” or “I love you” to truly feel like she’s secure.
Because this is who we are as people isn’t it, something that connects us all? It is a simple reassurance and security that we are good enough– we are loved. With the way so many books, movies, and shows focus on the idea, it is no surprise that a lot of people go through life just searching for someone to love them back. We’re looking for completion.
But maybe this isn’t the way to do it. Maybe there is another option.
If you looked in the mirror right now, you would see one person staring back at you. Same eyes, same face, same heart you have always know. That’s you. And sometimes, you need to remind yourself that the person looking back at you is loved and is good enough. Because you need to love yourself. This life isn’t all about completing ourselves with another person. It is about right now, and right now you need to know that it is okay to complete yourself.
When we wake up in the morning and open our eyes to another day, sometimes it helps to stop and remember that we only get one life to live. But we are awake and we are alive, so maybe it is time to start living. People have a lot of reasons they keep going, from their job or their kids, to maybe a dream or their future. Whatever the reason is, it is important to have one of those reasons be yourself. Try waking up in the morning and saying, “Today I am going to live for me.” It is your life, shouldn’t you live it the way you want?
Though on the other side of that, this may not be an option for some people. Because our lives are never truly all about us, are they? We have other responsibilities, jobs, kids, or classes to get through. And maybe, we are not in the ideal situation to say, “this is my life and I live the way I want to.” We cannot always get what we want. So instead, I offer you a challenge. Every single day, do something for yourself, no matter how small. Whether it is to read a book for fifteen minutes before bed, or getting up early to go to that yoga class you enjoy, find a way to give yourself some “me time”. No one else can give that to you but yourself.
As it seems that we begin to understand more things the older we get, maybe life is not all about other people. In some cases, it really does come down to us and knowing that everything we are is good enough for ourselves. So when you look in that mirror and open your eyes to a new day, take a deep breath and remember these words: You are always good enough to complete yourself. If you do not like something, either change it or learn to accept it. Because you deserve to.