Marionette— A Poem

New poem for you today, this one is a little different but it’s a good time for trying out new styles. Feel free to let me know what you think about it.


Marionette

This world,

it handles me like

a play toy;

A tug this way,

a thought that way, 

suddenly

it makes me do

whatever it wants.

And all I can manage

is to nod, then move,

let it control me like

a marionette.

All of the strings tie

back to my heart

pulsing with every beat–

as even more hold close

to my body– pulling 

on me so tightly–

yet, I have not a say,

not a care,

not a want.

Not a breath my own.

Because

not a single one

of those

damn strings 

seem

to belong

to me.

365 Days Later…

This week may have been our final week of classes here at CP and my freshman year may be one week away from being over, but today I wanted to celebrate something very special with you:

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Last Sunday, Kwilliamsbooks turned 1.

A year ago, I graduated high school and decided to get a head start on my future and my upcoming (now almost a year old) book— so I started a blog. Who knew that my most viewed post (231 views) would be my fourth post ever, back in July of last year, or that this would become something so big in my life that I dedicate at least an entire 24 hours total to it every week? Yet here we are, one year and 57 blog posts later, right where I started: writing.

So today, I wanted to say “happy birthday” to my site by sharing more of what got me started in the first place— poetry. It’s been a few weeks since the last Poetry Place, but this is a special week after all. Here are five of my favorites:

 

Number one

Collateral Damage

She held within her heart a love she could could not tame,

monsters in her mind of which she could not name.

And when the two came together, into the same budding rose,

the dark collided with the beauty and she became the collateral damage.

sebastian-molina-fotografia-101308From the thorns in her side and the voices she could no longer hide

screaming out in agony from the wreckage her heart had just left behind

with the broken pieces amongst the thorns that rose grew up to contain;

every bit of love and light it held countered with a little bit of pain.

Yet she kept going anyway, knowing there was light up ahead.

The light she created with everything she had when she finally let herself

Get Lost.

Number two

Out of Place

Does tired even compare to that feeling anymore,

that hopeless, empty, insignificant feeling—

that she’s trapped in a place where she does not belong;

in her life surrounded by all the things she is not?

Her beautiful friends and their beautiful minds

of which she cannot compare to.

Her too smart classes with her too smart classmates

of whom she does not fit in with…evan-kirby-263913

Somehow she’s here, existing between the lines

where people do not look, do not care.

Do not see her here, past the beauty and the brains,

back to where she is stripped down to nothing but a face.

That nobody remembers and nobody needs to,

as she is just another person in this world.

One without the beauty and one without the brains,

one that nobody seems to want to claim.

And that is okay too; she knows that it happens

when she looks in the mirror and sees who she is.

Because in the end it’s her life, something of her own making,

and she is just simply out of place.

Number three

Pretty People

It’s a shame to see such pretty people so sad.

All the beauty in the world cannot fix these broken souls.

And as the time runs out and the days wear thin,

splitshire-9614

the night comes on back, leaving only darkness to hold

the beauty of light fading to the sadness of the soul.

As we walk, your hands and mine on this lonely dark road,

together we are here and our thoughts echo off the walls.

While I can feel that you are broken, I can hear it in your heart.

And it’s a shame to see such pretty people fall apart.

 

Number four

Restless

As I lay my head to rest

Instead I rest with

Thoughts of you.

 

Running course through my body

in everything

you do.freestocks-org-206394

 

Like the way I watch you care for others;

you’re the only

one who

 

showed me how to fall in love…

Some days I wish

I never knew.

 

And number five

Skeletons to Burn

There are skeletons in my closet, far too many to count.

For there is another one in a darker corner, the back shelf of my mind.

And honesty has never been enough to truly bring me back, to give me

the oxygen I need to breathe, as it chokes me with charred hands.

Quietly, I am extinguished, the flame of my soul slowly burning out,

as the pain never felt so real, engulfing everything I am and

everything I could be until there was truly nothing left.

annie-spratt-218458Nothing but those skeletons in my closet, taking up space

the way the secrets of our past always do, complicating this life

much like that skeleton left in the back of my mind, silent and holding,

sharp and true, waiting for the moment to come out to play.

They say that bones may dance and sometimes, secrets may catch fire,

but truly there is nothing left of me, not even the burning outline

of everything I used to be and the secrets I used to hold,

for it all went to hell right where I will see it tomorrow as I find my way

downtown through the noose. It is over now, the burning has become a quiet calm,

and for the first time in my life it seems

there are no more skeletons left in my closet.

There is nothing left of me.

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Happy Birthday to my site— I wanted to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who has supported me or looked at my blog in the past year. A writer is nothing without their readers but empty words, and I thank you for giving me some place to fill. Here’s to the end of my first year of classes here at CP, my final exams next week, and another beautiful year of embracing my future.

How to build a life

Week 7 here at Cal Poly is over and it’s really odd to think about the fact that I almost didn’t end up at this school. Things would have been so different, from the 80 degree weather without humidity to the 4 weeks we still have left in the quarter. In all honesty, I got pretty lucky with some of the people I have met that I never would have known otherwise— I only have a handful of close friends joshua-clay-27368here but that’s more than I could have asked for. There is one thing that somehow balanced out, one place I’m really glad worked out the way it did…

My roommates. Keep in mind, I did a random roommate assignment.

On my first night here, only one of my roommates (Celeste) was sleeping in the dorms since the other (Rachel), was with her parents. We both went to bed at the same time, with the whole awkward changing and “oh, do you want me to turn off the light or do you want to do that” routine. Looking back, our adjustment is almost comical. I think that night is one of my favorites though, because after we both climbed up into our beds, neither of us slept for the next two and a half, maybe 3 hours. Why? We were talking about Harry Potter. Ironically enough, both of us brought all 8 movies with us and she has read the books more times than I have. Before we knew it, two people who were randomly thrown into a room for three quarters together who barely knew each other just started talking and went from there. It was fantastic.

Guess what happened two nights ago…

All three of us went to bed around 12— we didn’t sleep until 3:30.arnaud-mesureur-132213.jpg

It’s nights like those when the conversation goes from the best tv shows of our childhoods and favorite books, to the idea of love and the flaws of humanity, I have come to really appreciate some of the people I have met here. The people I would have never met if I had gone to Howard. It all ties back into that idea of “what if.” Like what if Nick never got in off the waitlist, or what if I decided to not go to college at all? Everything could have been completely different, yet everything could have been the same just with different people and different circumstances involved.

That’s the thing, we never really know.

Talking with my roommates on Tuesday, sometime within that 3 hour block of the night, we came up on the subject of vulnerability and how it can really change who we are. When it comes down to it, vulnerability almost seems to be the key to change. Think about it: when you apply for a job, or a college, or even an account on social media, you are allowing yourself to be rejected or even setting yourself up to be subjected to things that may not always make you feel good. Here at college, everything you do, from making friends (hey do you want to hang out sometime) to trying to master a subject area, it all comes back to allowing ourselves to be let down. In doing so, we also give ourselves a chance to hear the word yes, or realize that what we do does pay off.

web-agency-29200We never know how it will work out until we try it. But I’ve got to say, it’s kind of nice when it pays off.

I’ve only been here for 8 months, but in that time I can say that I have met some people who I hope stay in my life for long enough to at least meet my kids. Of course, there’s Nick, but now I’ve got people like first and longest friend here, Brianne, or my two wonderful roommates to add to the list. Like I said, I got lucky. I don’t really know if it was Celeste or me who started the conversation about Harry Potter, and I can’t quite say how Bri ended up in my summer orientation group, first week of school orientation group, Chem/Biochem major struggle, and the second floor of my dorm, but somehow it all just happened. Maybe I
opened myself up by saying the first hello, and sometime over summer maybe Celeste and I mentioned that we both love Harry Potter… I just know that I would probably have never met these people if I didn’t come here and for that reason, I appreciate the concept of vulnerability.

By appealing to this school, I gave them a second chance to say no. By choosing to accept their yes, I gave myself a chance to feel out of place. And by making it through (4 more weeks) my first year of college, I have given life a chance to prove me wrong every time I think I’ve done something right.

That’s the point.aaron-burden-189321

Sometimes things will work out exactly the way we wanted and other times we will end up on another path that leads us to something better. The only way we get there is to keep going, to keep trying, and of course, to keep making new friends along the way.  

You never know, maybe you’ll get lucky.